CHASTITY--THE KEY TO A FEMALE-LED RELATIONSHIP

It is a commonplace observation that men tend to be sexually wanton. Left to their own devices men will opt for multiple partners, spreading their "seed" as widely as possible. Sex is quick, often brutal, and focused on a single goal--ejaculation.

Male erotic imagination is similar, flitting from image to image as hand pumps penis in an masturbatory frenzy. Quantity not quality is paramount.

Ejaculation leaves men depleted and often out of sorts. They lose their focus on their partner or the image that prompted their masturbatory fantasy. The biological and emotional signals seem to be for the male to leave and begin searching for his next sex partner. No wonder women are so often dissatisfied with their male partners.

Female-led relationships require the male to overcome this biological predisposition and the cultural conditioning that reenforces it. Female-led relationships require the male to find ultimate pleasure in his partner's pleasure, rather than the subordinating her pleasure to his own. This reorientation is a profound challenge for a male, one that no doubt accounts for the low (but growing) percentage of female-led relationships.

A program of chastity is the best way for men to reorient themselves so they are suitable for a female-led relationship. By chastity I mean that the male in a relationship does not have an orgasm unless it is in the presence and with the permission of his partner. This definition of chastity also includes celibacy, the practice of a man outside a relationship to abstain from sex, including masturbation.

Some men and their partners prefer that the man maintain chastity through self-discipline. Some men use chastity belts to enforce their chastity. There is no one right way to practice chastity, but most agree that a man who practices chastity is expressing profound respect for their partner and women generally. Many speak of their chastity as being a gift of their sex and their sexual energy to their female superior and the superior sex of which she is a part.

For a man who is used to multiple partners or, more typically, unrestricted masturbation, chastity is a profound challenge. Yet, chastity is a challenge well worth undertaking because it can help lead to a transformation of a man's relationship with his partner. Almost every account of a chastity regimen notes that the man becomes much more attentive to the needs of his partner, serving her better both sexually and in a myriad of other ways that are pleasing to her. The many religious traditions that use chastity/abstenince as a key element of their spiritual practice and service orientation are on to something.

Chastity can be a self-generated program. Perhaps a female-led relationship is just the stuff of your erotic imagination and your partner is either ignorant of the fantasy or turned off by the idea. Resolve to restrict your orgasms to situations where you have first given her ample sexual pleasure. Begin by expressing to her your great desire for an orgasm before you have one. Over time begin to ask her for permission. If you are patient and not pushy, she might come to trust you and understand the link between your good behavior and orgasm restrictions. That understanding is often the key that unlocks the door to a female-led relationship.

A male between relationships can also benefit from a chastity regimen. Set ever increasing periods between your orgasms and feel the energy that suffuses your body when you store up erotic energy. Use that energy to make yourself a more attractive potential partner for women oriented towards female-led relationships. A single man with ample stored up erotic energy will project that energy in a desirable way if he is subtle and attentive to the needs of potential partners rather than a testosterone soaked bore.

Men without partners who want or need the assurance of a chastity belt can utilize key-holding services, women who literally hold the key to their chastity devices. If you do masturbate, practice masturbating to the edge of orgasm and then stop. Do so over a course of days or weeks before you allow yourself an orgasm. This will be good practice for effectively serving a woman with your penis when you have your next relationship. When you do have an orgasm through masturbation, set the mental scene with female-led imagery and prolong the buildup to ejaculation, imagining that you are providing sexual service to an insatiable partner.

Chastity also may be demanded by certain women who are confident in their leadership role. One Domme describes her approach to chastity as follows:

I doubt I will ever have "traditional" intercourse with a male submissive again. I want/need to feel the "rush" of being with a man who understands Me as a Woman. Every submissive male I've been with has been a substandard lover. Therefore, chastity is simply a state of being for a male submissive in My world these days. Releases are few and far between (unless I give permission for self-pleasure) since, again from My POV, bringing a submissive male to climax is too much effort for too little payoff.

Of course, in some female-led relationships the male may be asked to provide sexual service with his penis while foregoing his own orgasms, a profound mental and physical challenge. Other female-led relationships will be oriented so the chastised male will provide sexual service in every way except by using his penis. Cuckolding is often incorporated so the female gets to enjoy both the subtle ministrations of her submissive and the cock-driven pleasures from her lover.

Once the relationship has reached these advanced stages, it is for the female partner to decide how best to weave chastity into the relationship. What is important to understand, however, is that chastity is one great way for submissive men to feel and express their submissiveness regardless of whether their relationship, if any, is currently female-led.