A brief introduction. I'm a Chicago-based professional in my late 40s. I've been married for 15 years. My wife is tall and lovely. She has her own business and is successful in her field. We have a son. We're a pretty typical urban professional family.
I've been submissive to women for just about forever. As I've aged, my fantasies have shifted from the classic image of the whip-cracking dominatrix to serving the woman I love--my wife.
My submissive orientation was extremely disruptive of our marriage for many years as I tried to fit my wife into a dominatrix role that she was unwilling to perform. She wanted a husband and not a slave and she was (and is) not interested in inflicting pain on her husband.
Several years ago I started afresh and decided to be submissive to my wife and not the dominatrix image that I had been trying to impose upon her. I started by holding myself in "chastity," having orgasms only in her presence. I began doing more around the house and I stopped pressuring her to be kinky. I trained myself to be more adept in following her lead in both running the household and in the bedroom. I finally understood that she wanted me to anticipate her needs rather than wait for her "orders."
Over time we reached a mutually acceptable state that has the following characteristics:
Chores: I take responsibility for an increasing share of household chores in order to free up her time for leisure and work. This is mostly drudge work, but does include giving her weekly massages and regular rubdowns after her baths.
Chastity: No orgasms except for those she allows. No exceptions and no bulky chastity belts to keep me honest.
Cuckold: I am monogamous. She is free to explore her erotic interests with others, and does. This is a challenging and profoundly rewarding part of my service to her.
Communication: We talk less and say much more than we once did. Rather than try to define every aspect of our relationship using the BDSM vocabulary, I try to do my best to serve her quietly and effectively. She responds knowingly by pushing my erotic buttons via "treats." When we talk it is from a starting point of mutual appreciation and respect rather than from a "you don't meet my needs" spot.
There certainly are other defining characteristics of a female-led relationship that might join these "Four Cs," such as having the dominant woman take full control of the family finances or some public acknowledgment that the woman is the dominant partner. I would like to hear and share your thoughts on what characteristics best define a healthy female-led relationship.
I've been submissive to women for just about forever. As I've aged, my fantasies have shifted from the classic image of the whip-cracking dominatrix to serving the woman I love--my wife.
My submissive orientation was extremely disruptive of our marriage for many years as I tried to fit my wife into a dominatrix role that she was unwilling to perform. She wanted a husband and not a slave and she was (and is) not interested in inflicting pain on her husband.
Several years ago I started afresh and decided to be submissive to my wife and not the dominatrix image that I had been trying to impose upon her. I started by holding myself in "chastity," having orgasms only in her presence. I began doing more around the house and I stopped pressuring her to be kinky. I trained myself to be more adept in following her lead in both running the household and in the bedroom. I finally understood that she wanted me to anticipate her needs rather than wait for her "orders."
Over time we reached a mutually acceptable state that has the following characteristics:
Chores: I take responsibility for an increasing share of household chores in order to free up her time for leisure and work. This is mostly drudge work, but does include giving her weekly massages and regular rubdowns after her baths.
Chastity: No orgasms except for those she allows. No exceptions and no bulky chastity belts to keep me honest.
Cuckold: I am monogamous. She is free to explore her erotic interests with others, and does. This is a challenging and profoundly rewarding part of my service to her.
Communication: We talk less and say much more than we once did. Rather than try to define every aspect of our relationship using the BDSM vocabulary, I try to do my best to serve her quietly and effectively. She responds knowingly by pushing my erotic buttons via "treats." When we talk it is from a starting point of mutual appreciation and respect rather than from a "you don't meet my needs" spot.
There certainly are other defining characteristics of a female-led relationship that might join these "Four Cs," such as having the dominant woman take full control of the family finances or some public acknowledgment that the woman is the dominant partner. I would like to hear and share your thoughts on what characteristics best define a healthy female-led relationship.
posted by tallchisub at Friday, November 25, 2005
4 Comments:
U need a good psychiatrist, I am also a sub of my girlfriend, but there is a limit, you passed the point of no return, beware of this.
While she is cruel use the whip and the cane very hard on me, she put on me the cb3000, and she humiliate me on every way, and then put me to the limit, when the game stop, we love each other from the heart.
Maybe I'm lucky?
Ciao from Italy.
I find your blog exceedingly satisfying and refreshing as I settle into the first year anniversary of exploring true submission and wearing the title of underling with my Mistress. We dated for three years before taking this turn and I believe more than ever that it's the best thing we ever did for our relationship. I can't say enough for your blog, especially the male submissive's perspective. this is so valuable to those going through these things. It's hard sometimes as you run into so much on the internet that falsely portrays the female dominated relationship in a way that clearly is still male dominant under it all and racist at times. Bravo on getting the word out and helping to educate those who need support and someone who is really telling it like it is. Thank you!
why does someone have to lead?
Very good blog. Comforting. I shave, and ask my wife when to play with myself. When we have sex, its her needs we work on. She has become very good at knowing what she wants, after I come on more sub. She dont let me come every time. And when, its often me playing with my dick & asshole, after she is done. She watch. We have been a couple for a decade (2 children), and really have had bad sex for years. I understood that I had to take some action. Become more open to my own fantasies. Finding out how to make them become a part of my real life. Is she dominant, and I submissive? I'm not sure, but the days of me satisfying myself as dominate, are over.
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